Seeing the Hope
by deaths demise
Summary: Set in D3. Adams feeling all depressed and giving up. Made Varisty, lost the Ducks, both teams hate him, pulling him into their fued. He decides to leave but will someone be there to make him see that there is hope at the end of tunnel? what will happen?


Hiya!

okay so I know the title kind of sucks but I really couldn't think of anything!

Okay so this fic is about Adam and what he's going through. Takes place during D3 after Adams made Varsity. It's later in the day after the JV/Varsity showdown – the first one, after the pranks.

* * *

Adams P.O.V:

I stood staring at the framed photo on my desk. In it I was smiling with the rest of the Ducks, in the middle Charlie and I were holding the cup we'd just won. This photo was taken just after our win at the Junior Goodwill Games. Things were so much easier then. We were all a team and were together. We actually stuck by our motto of 'ducks fly together'.

I sigh turning away as a single tear makes its way down my face. I miss those days.

Now things were different. I was an outcast once more. I wasn't a Duck anymore but I wasn't really a member of Varsity either. They didn't care about me nor want me there. They didn't even care that I was a good player. To them I was just a freshman and a waster because I used to be a Duck. To the Ducks I was back to being the rich snob I was when I was a Hawk. They didn't believe me when I said I had nothing to do with the pranks Varsity played on them. My playing for them automatically meant I was one of them. Its like they didn't even know me! Then again maybe they never did. Even when I was a Duck, I was still an outsider. They didn't really include me and I always felt out of the loop when we were together because I had no clue what was going on or what they were talking about. Only Jesse ever tried to make sure I knew what they were on about and he opted not to come to Eden Hall, said he didn't want to leave his Father and brother.

I sigh again as another tear falls. Moving slowly, Charlie really made his point when he slammed me out on the ice this morning; I now had several beautiful bruises covering my skin, I make my way over to the bathroom.

Once there I grab my razor and bring it to my sleeveless arm, which was already littered in small horizontal lines up near my elbow. I'd never cut close to my wrist before and I usually only did it lightly, to relieve the pressure. It helped me to maintain my focus and let go of everything that was bothering me.

Only this time I didn't intend to just let off some steam. I was done. I'd had enough of it all.

Beneath the photo was a letter which explained everything I was feeling and why I was doing this.

I just I can't take being in the middle of all this fighting anymore and I no longer find any fun in playing hockey. To put it simply I had nothing left, so why live?

Quickly before I could chicken out I slashed both my wrists and leaned back against the cold tiled wall and just let the tears fall as my body became lethargic and my vision began to turn black.

Vaguely I thought I could hear someone call my name as this vibration sensation overcame my body but I was far too out of it to really notice.

* * *

Guy's P.O.V:

Charlie was really out of line today, he went after Adam way too harshly and they he just up and quit. I really don't know what's going on with him but whatever it is I hope he sorts it soon. Its tearing this team apart. As if being in this posh school wasn't hard enough but not the Ducks were falling apart and Charlie was helping it happen!

Well I may not be able to do something about Charlie and Fulton (who knew he'd be so loyal to Charlie) but I can do something for Adam.

Truth is I'm worried about him. He hasn't been the same since he made Varsity. Unlike the others I didn't believe Adam had anything to do with the pranks played on us and that our retaliation on him was unfair and uncalled for.

Mann when Russ and Julie told me they used the strongest blast on Adams clothes in our payback prank I nearly flipped out at them. I mean honestly he's our friend, he didn't ask to be put on Varsity, he was put there because he belonged there, because he deserved it. I've always known he has more talent and drive than the rest of us; he plays better and trains harder than all of us.

How he ended up being seen as a traitor because of that I haven't a clue. If it were anyone else the team would be jumping for joy and congratulating the person but since its Adam they just turned their backs!

I couldn't believe it and I'm ashamed to say that I did nothing about it. Well that ends now.

Right now I'm outside Adams dorm room. Trying to pick up the nerve to knock and wonder how to get him to let me in and not slam the door in my face. Not that I deserved anything less.

Raising my hand to knock, I notice that the door is actually ajar. Not like him at all, he likes his privacy and always shuts the door, even if he's in the room just chilling. He never leaves the door open. Its just not like him.

Feeling slightly worried, I tentatively open it and edge inside only to find an empty room. Feeling defeated I step inside and wonder where he could be and why he didn't lock his door when something reflecting off of his desk light catches my eye.

Curious and wondering if perhaps I'm over-stepping myself, afterall Adam is a very private sort of person and we're not on good terms right now. I notice its the photo of the team after the Goodwill Games, after out big win. Seeing this gives me hope, if he still has this framed in his room here then that must mean we're all still important to him and that I was right all along. Adam never left the Ducks, we left him.

Then I feel my newfound hope die as notice what the words on the letter beneath the picture say.

"Shit," I say, panicking as I realise what it means. Adams going to kill himself!

Turning I notice the other door in the room. A bathroom! Rushing over I slam the door open and feel my heart stop. There slumped on the door is Adam and from his arms runs his blood. Its still fresh; there's still time.

"Adam." No response.

"Adam, come on wake up." Grabbing his towels I quickly wrap them around his wrists to try and stop the blood.

I grab him and slap his face, trying to get a response. I notice his cheeks are wet, he's been crying and I can see a bruise on his shoulder. Damn it Charlie, did you really have to slam him into the ice that much!

"Adam! Adam, wake up! Please Adam I need you to wake up! You can't do this man, this is not the answer. Come on, wake up!" The more I go on, the more desperate I become.

Then I notice his eyelids begin to flutter. Yes! He was waking up, he was alive. Mann, I don't think I've ever been so relieved in my life!

"Adam, that's it, come on just a little more." His brilliantly blue eyes finally begin to focus on my face. I felt a goofy smile break out over my face, as a few tears leaked out of my eyes.

"... Urgh... Guy? What you doing here? No... nononono... you can't be here... ruin everything..." He sluggishly said, but somehow I didn't really care. He was awake, he was alive and he obviously had some clue as to what was going on.

Although what he was saying really worried me, I was just glad he was saying it.

"Damn it Adam! You any idea how much you really scared me? I thought you were dead, I thought I was too late. Don't you ever scare me like that ever again, you hear me?" Smiling, my anger fading, I pulled him into a crushing hug. "Mann I'm glad you're alive."

It took me a while to realise he was trembling; pulling back I looked at him and saw he was crying and still bleeding.

Jumping to my feet I quickly started opening cupboards looking for bandages, I really needed to stop the bleeding and soon.

Found them! Naturally Adam had them in the cupboard above the sink, in an easy to reach fashion. Rushing back to Adams side, I took his wrist gently and began to wrap, not missing the look of hurt on his face from my speedy departure, along with the one of awe and ashamed as I began to bandage him. Damn it, looks like we've got a lot to talk about. Mann I don't know if I'm the right one to do this, I didn't think things were this bad.

Sighing, I move to let go of his wrist as I'm done but find his other hand has come to grasp mine in a painfully strong grip. Meeting his gaze I find its no longer dazed or tear-filled but clear and firmly on my own eyes. Seeing the fear and pain there, I tighten my grasp on him, reaching up with one hand to cup his cheek. I let him see in my eyes that I am not angry with him and that I'm not ashamed of his doing this.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm here for you." Noticing the doubt creeping in, I smile in what I hope is a reassuring manner but feels a little too watery to be convincing. "I can't blame you for doubting me Adam, but I never agreed with the others, I never thought you took part in those pranks on us. I know I didn't help you or stand up for you and that was wrong of me. It was wrong of us to leave you and think you could to that to us. We should have known better, thought better of you. We're supposed to be your teammates and we let you down. I'm so so very sorry."

Shifting so that I could lean back against the wall, I pulled him into my lap, wrapping my arms around him, rubbing one in soothing circles on his back. I said nothing about the way he grabbed onto me, as if I were his lifeline; which in a way I suppose I was. His head was pressed into my shoulder and there was an increasing wetness there.

I continued talking in what I hoped was a soothing tone, I kept apologising to him as he wept. It didn't matter how long it took for him to calm down.

I wasn't going anywhere, at least not anymore. Adam was my friend and it's high time I started acting like a friend to him. I'd help him though this; however long it takes.

* * *

Adams P.O.V:

I couldn't believe it. I'd finally decided that it was all over, that I couldn't take it anymore and everyone would be better off without me and Guy just has to go and show up. What's more he had to decide that I couldn't die.

It took me a while to break through the fog and haze that my mind had become and realise that Guy actually was here and that he was trying to save me, what's more he was calling me Adam and not cake-eater or Banksie or some other nickname I hated. He was using my actual given name; like a friend.

Somehow I found myself waking up and being relieved I was alive. Somehow things seemed better.

As I wept, he held me and soothed me, apologising over and over for letting me down. Ha! Him, let me down, that almost made me laugh. I can't believe I almost ended it all when it wasn't as I thought. Just knowing one of the Ducks saw me as a friend and believed in me gave me a whole new perspective, suddenly I realise just what my death would do to my mum and my brothers, hell even my father would be hurt by it.

Don't get me wrong I still feel like crap and hate the way my life is but there is hope.

I pull back from his embrace, noting how reluctant he is to let go of me, not that he does, he just readjusts his grip on me. Easing up on the death grip I have on his shirt, yep that's right I was holding him like my life depended on it and considering he just saved it that may not be far from the truth.

Attempting a smile but not really managing, I look him in the face and feel something like a laugh escape my lips.

"Thank you" I choke out, my voice having become sore from all the crying I've been doing.

He laughs too and smiles broadly, properly now. "No problem, just promise me you won't do anything like this again." He asks of me in a serious worried tone. I finally see just how scared I made him and how much he actually cares about him.

It's in this moment that I realise that I, Adam Banks, loner and outsider extraordinaire, have a real friend, one that actually cares about me well being and want me around.

Nodding, I throw my neatly bandaged arms around his neck and hug him tightly. "I'll try; I'll really try to stop." Its all I can promise him right now, I feel his arms tighten, pressing us closer together, I'm practically straddling him now and can feel his chest rise and fall as he nods his head. Bringing his head close to my ear he whispers; "I understand."

We stay there for a long time. Both lost in thought but strangely comfortable together. I find his warmth reassuring; it gives me hope and strength for what lies ahead.

I know the path to quitting is far from easy; much like convincing the rest of the Ducks I had nothing to do the pranks. None of this is going to be easy but with Guy's help, for the first time in a long time I feel like theirs hope.

* * *

Guy's P.O.V:

As I listen to Adam promise to try all I can do is tighten my hold on him. I swear I will help him to beat this; I didn't miss all the other scars on his arm as I bandage it but I will make sure that there are no more added to it. I don't want to see him like that ever again.

I know it won't be easy for him and that he's got a lot to work through before he'll truly beat this and stop but I swear I will be with him every step of the way.

I may not have been close to him before Eden Hall and never really spoke or hung out with him all that much but after today that's all going to change.

I pull him closer, sharing my warmth with him, not wanting to move and make him put on a shirt because that would signify the end of this relative peace and then we'd need to face everything that's happened here and decide what to do about it.

But we can face that later. For now, I'll just continue to hold him and revel in the sereneness I can feel radiating off him.

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